I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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