I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need a beard to bite.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
