I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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