Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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