Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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