You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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