On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
