You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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