Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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