After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
