You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
