And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
