Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
