"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
