I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
