Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
