His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
