It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
