**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
