worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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