u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
