she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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