I cannot find my penis.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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