Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
