So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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