i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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