There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
