He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
