If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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