I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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