It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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