Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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