it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm always down for nudity.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
