Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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