The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
