i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
