i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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