i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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