this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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