so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
