If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
