I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
