Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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