did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.