so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.