Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.