I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?