This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.