apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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