hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize