onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
