It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
