K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
