I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got inside last night via doggy door
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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