the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
