We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
whose parrot is this?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
