i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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