Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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