New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
