im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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