I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
