$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
