i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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