I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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