All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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