Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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