remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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