I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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