I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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