The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
