I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
