It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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