My Higher Power is John Stamos
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
