Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
