I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
