I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
