He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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