I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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